Thursday, April 19, 2012
Right from the time I was a little girl I had this notion of a wonderful guy sweeping me off my feet and we living happily everafter. I never bothered if he had a fancy car or lots of money to spend. I was just as happy on an old Honda 50. I yearned to be loved for myself, to have someone to talk too at the end of the day. To have someone hold me and say "Don't worry I am here, I will never allow anything to harm you" Someone who would respect me and share his life with me, no holding back. Then now when I think back and see I never had that, I think maybe it was not meant for me. But when I see those three pairs of eyes looking at me, eyes of love, I know I am truly blessed.Their love has sustained me and carried me through the bad times and the sad times. It should have been your love, but it was theirs. They have made me so happy and just thinking of them all the pain goes away and I am so enveloped in Love. So I can honetly I am truly blessed.
Once again the evil in you has surfaced. You came back because you needed us not because you loved us. I begin to see an evil in you that I tried to convince myself was not there. You have so much going for you. Why! why! why! How can a person hurt someone he loves.? I ask myself that all the time. You were not all that bad or were you? I begin to think back and see and the signs were there but I pretended not to see. Now you are old, what will become of you? Yea everyone says its your choice but I cannot help feeling sad as to what will become of you. I have not been perfect and have had many failings but I have always stood by you and been there for you in your bad times, sick times. Have you? You have constantly abused me mentally and though physically, its just as bad. Now I let you go.....................
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
It was a beautiful wedding. You could sense the presence of God there throughout the wedding. It was a simple yet moving and beautiful wedding. I felt God smiling down on them. When I looked at them I remember my own wedding. What hopes and dreams I had. Well alot of mistakes where made along the way and too many compromises were made. Thank God my children are different. Honesty and oneness is a must and I see that in this beautiful couple. Most important they have put God into their marriage. It must be Him all the way. No comprise where He is concerned. I know God will be with them, guiding,nurturing and blessing them.
Monday, April 9, 2012
She is always angry and her eyes spew out sparks of anger when she talks to me. I look at her and silently weep inside. She does not trust me: well I did let her down so I do not blame her. What happened to my sweet little curly tops? Now adays she always filled with anger and impatience. I look at her and just hope she sees the love I have for her. I want to put my arms around her and hold her close but she would fight it. I can only keep repeating " I love you and I am here for you. I will always be here for you" I see she is in emotional pain and hurting. What I would not do for her, if only she will let me. Now she must come to me if she need help. I can only step back and watch her. I am doing the best thing I can for her- let her go, to make her own decisions, her own failures and her own successes. But I will never give up on her and I pray for her, calling on the Lord often in my day when I have a quiet moment. Holy Spirit 'Hover" over her. Be her friend and counsellor now. Jesus touch the very core of her hurting heart with your love and let her feel your presence in her life. Bring the joy of living with you, Jesus back into her life. I know His love for her has never changed and He holds her in the palm of his hand. She is the apple of his eye and He has her under the shadow of His wings.