Thursday, January 15, 2009

Its fourteen days into the new year. I feel a sense of peace all around me. Even when I am feeling sad that peace just takes over. I am as happy as I want to be. Like everything else in our lives happiness is a choice. I have learned never to expect too much from anyone. Take only what they want to give. When you do not put expectations on someone than they cannot disappoint you. I have learn to give without expecting anything in return. There is so much to learn about ourselves and everyday I find something in me that I never knew I had. An inner strength, an emotion I thought I was not capable of feeling, a hidden depth that I had buried so deep inside. I find life now is a journey for me, a road to discovery. Its like there is a whole new me that I did not know. As I go on this journey, I know he walks with me. I have heard him speak to me quietly when I came to the crossroads and did not know which road to take. I went to visit a sick relative recently who was in a coma, and when I saw her lying there, I said to him "please do not ever let this happen to me. But he said to me "why not you" Can it happen to someone else as long as its not me? Well whichever way I trust you Lord and let your will be done not mine. He will love me and take care of me the way he sees best for me and I TRUST HIM.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The dawn of a new year! a new beginning. This year I made no resolutions. I never kept any I made the previous year anyway . This year I asked the Lord to take me to the next level of intimacy with him. I really want to know this GOD I love and serve. I want to hear him as he walks by me, feeling the swishing of his robes as he passes. Feel his awesome presence when I come into his throne room to spend time with him. I also want to know the Holy Spirit more intimately. Hear him whisper to me when I am struggling to make choices. Prompting me when I am unsure and comforting me when I have made the wrong choice as I will do invariably.
I went to GROW service on 31st and it was awesome. Pastor anointed us and prayed for each individually. I felt so at peace. Before this I was worried about so many things but during the service, I felt all my burdens just lifted up. My sadness just fell away. I have so much to be thankful for. Had a great family Christmas with the kids and I enjoyed every minute of the time we spent together. I was struggling with certain issues but you know just being with them made all things hopeful and good. Made me want to go on enjoying my life, living my life each day to the best of my ability.
You hurt me more than you will ever know. You stamped all over my heart and that was not enough, in the end you ripped it out. 30 years of what? 30 years too late. Well I kept every promise I made and I will always be there for you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, but don't ask more than that. I have nothing else to give you. I am at peace. You did not give me that peace, but my father saw my heartaches and tears and he showed me his love, and that brought peace.
He is an awesome GOD