Friday, May 16, 2008

My world came crashing down on the 6th May at 0530 in the morning. I had a Vertigo Attack, so bad I thought I was going to die. Ambulance rushed me to the hospital and my god I never felt so sick. Now I am suppose to take it easy, no rushing around, no travelling and no flying. Can you imagine that! Might as well cut off my legs Lord. No sorry I take that back. I have always been a doer, always feeling the need to control and run everything, including everybodys' life as well. Its a wake up call for me.Yea you are no spring chicken. So now I am slowing down and I MEAN it. I felt sad to give the family such a scare. Its made me look at life differently, and to value each moment with my loved ones.
Today Jess left home. My last baby gone to start a new life as a uni student. I could see she was excited and afraid of the unknown. I wanted to hold her and not let her go and yea of course I cried and cried(still crying........) Its hard to let go. You watch them from the time the came from your womb. Hovering over them, watching them, loving them with each day. Jess has surprised us all. I know she had a tough time in school and her early years were tough. But she survived and pushed through, refusing to give in. She is such a beautiful person both inside and out. She dared to dream and still has big dreams. We must have dreams and I told her not to allow anyone to take them away from her. I miss her already so much but I am happy for her. She need that Independence from me. She needs to have more choices and make her own decisions, right or wrong.
Thank god for Shan and Mel there and I know the bond between them is strong and they will look out for each other. I don't know what I did to deserve these 3 beautiful kids, and I thank god for them everyday.
Now its time for me and the "old Man" to spend time together. We have done our best for the kids and now its our time.
Quiet rooms and empty hallways and I will miss the "ma Ma where are you....................