Midlife crisis

I feel restless and not in control of my life. I want, no I need to do something productive, exciting and challenging in my life. Otherwise I will feel old. I feel so alone, like I am not needed anymore. The kids have their own lives and rightly so, but even they don't need me. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Well maybe. No more of this nonsense. I still have alot of fight left in me yet and I don't give up easily. I know god has a plan and a purpose for my life. I believe that I can do anything I want to do because the Lord is with me. Right now I want to focus on praying for my children. They are the world to me and I know I need to pray for them. If I did not, I would worry about them all the time.

I am almost back to my old self. Can move around and even drive. I do feel a little dizzy sometimes but I know I am getting better everyday. I really miss the three kids and wish I could move to K.L. to live with them,all under one roof. Just like old times but sigh........ it wont happen. Its for the best too as I will try to interfere and tell them what to do and what not to do. Yeah I always think I know whats best for them. I like my life in BM too. My friends are there and I love being at home doing my own thing. Looking forward to visiting the kids soon. I want to do something but don't know what. Want to write a book, to draw a picture to be a missionary, to start a business of my own. Am praying for direction now.