Elijah is now two months old. He is simply more adorable and how my love has grown for him. If I do not see him for a few days, I long for him and must stop by, even it is just to catch a glimpse of the sweet face.
He is the beautiful part of my existence. The part that is pure and good. Whenever I am upset or angry or there is ugliness, I close my eyes and think of Elijah. I feel him in my arms, that soft trusting body cuddled up to me, so trusting, knowing Granny loves to cuddle  him.
I see him in his mother's arms, and know she was just born to be a mother. She knows his different cries and knows how to calm and sooth him. He hears her voice and turns to find her. Its just simply awesome to see a mother with her baby. Something so precious, a moment to keep in your heart forever.
Daddy feeds him late at night and he is half asleep but his eyes flutter open and looks up into the strong bearded face and knows, that my dad. He wont allow anything bad to happen to me and I am totally safe in these arms.He looks into his dad's eyes and sees and feel his dad's love.

This little baby can change and touch so many lives. What an awesome God we have that made this miracle possible and every child is definitely a gift from God and an awesome creation.

Elijah

At 11.22pm on the 10th November 2012, my whole world changed instantly with the arrival of my little Elijah, my first grandchild. Just looking into that pure and beautiful face, I felt something just shoot through me.I saw him open his eyes and look at me. I know babies cannot see for the first few days but I just felt him look right into my heart. Love just flowed out. I have just seen you for just a few moments and how I love you  my darling. I will always be here to love you, pray for you and protect you. You have a wonderful father and mother.The minute you were conceived they loved you and you will always be blessed to have such wonderful parents.God has only good plans for you and I know you will always be special. No words can express how I feel for you, my little Elijah

t is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of GOD's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.

GOD opens this flower so sweetly,

• hen in my hands they fade and die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of GOD's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

Cannot remember where I saw this but I did not write this. Its beautfiul

A new wave

My daughter said to me that she always felt sad reading my blog and so I took the time to read it all again. Did I really write all that? Whoever wrote that was a woman caught up in her hurt and pain and did not want to let go. But that's not me now, I cried out. I have changed. I am happy now then I have ever been in a long long while. So there is a new wave coming now. I do not want to just surround myself with my pain and hurt and wallow in it but I want to reach out to others who are hurting and be a comfort for them. All those of you who are hurting and feel there is no hope and your pain will not go away, let me tell you it will. There is someone who loves you in a way you never imagined. Through his love, each day your pain and hurt will fade. I have experienced this 'love' and I never in my life imagined someone could love me so much. I want to share this love with you, if you will let me. Be blessed today

I have never been this confused and scared and so alone. Its like even God has left me. I have never felt so alone too. Why do I let you do this to me, time and again. You have hurt me more than any human being and you were the one who stood before God and made a vow with Abba to love and protect me.You were suppose to be there for me. Right now I feel so crushed, so drained and tired out. I feel as if a trailer just rolled over me. But deep within me there is a strength I can draw from and I will pick myself and go on because I must. I know I have so much to live for, God's not finished with me yet and He has not given up on me so I won't give up on myself either. 

Right from the time I was a little girl I had this notion of a wonderful guy sweeping me off my feet and we living happily everafter. I never bothered if he had a fancy car or lots of money to spend. I was just as happy on an old Honda 50. I yearned to be loved for myself, to have someone to talk too at the end of the day. To have someone hold me and say "Don't worry I am here, I will never allow anything to harm you" Someone who would respect me and share his life with me, no holding back. Then now when I think back and see I never had that, I think maybe it was not meant for me. But when I see those three pairs of eyes looking at me, eyes of love, I know I am truly blessed.Their love has sustained me and carried me through the bad times and the sad times. It should have been your love, but it was theirs. They have made me so happy and just thinking of them all the pain goes away and I am so enveloped in Love. So I can honetly I am truly blessed.

Once again the evil in you has surfaced. You came back because you needed us not because you loved us. I begin to see an evil in you that I tried to convince myself was not there. You have so much going for you. Why! why! why! How can a person hurt someone he loves.? I ask myself that all the time. You were not all that bad or were you? I begin to think back and see and the signs were there but I pretended not to see. Now you are old, what will become of you? Yea everyone says its your choice but I cannot help feeling sad as to what will become of you. I have not been perfect and have had many failings but I have always stood by you and been there for you in your bad times, sick times. Have you? You have constantly abused me mentally and though physically, its just as bad. Now I let you go.....................