MOTHER'S DAY

You have to be a mother to know what it feels like and sure its not a bed of roses all the time, and yea sure you'd feeling like killing them sometimes but there is no other job, no other role in this life than being a MOTHER.
I remember when I heard I was pregnant for the first time. I immediately felt different. I felt as if I was the only person in the world to get pregnant. I felt so elated and at times so worried. Would I be a good mum? Would I know how to teach them the way of life.I had so many dreams for this baby, what I wanted him to be; what kind of mother I would be. Then on the 04July 1980, I held my son for the first time in my arms and wow!nothing prepared me for what I felt. This little life came from me, I had to protect him and love him at all cost. He curled his little fingers around my thumb and in that instant we bonded. He knew I was his mum.
He was a whole learning experience for me, but I lived with my parents then and they were such a big help. Being in my family home with my brothers and their wives all under one roof, my son became their son too. Eager hands were always around to carry him and comfort him when I was not around.
Then in 1983, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I looked at her and could not believe she was mine. When I first held her, I felt so awed that this little bit of a thing was mine. She looked up at me with her grey eyes and in that instant I knew I could never stop loving her and would give my life for her anytime. I dreamed of all the cute dresses she would wear and how I do her hair.But she had a head full of curls that had a will of their own. There was no taming them into a pony tail with little clips.I used to love to watch my two children sleep. That was the best time for me. I would go lie down with them before they slept and pray with them and those were special bonding times for me.
Seven years later, god decided to bless me again with a beautiful baby girl. She was my Christmas baby and my miracle baby. She had some complications, but god had other plans for her. When I got pregnant with her I was 38 and I felt too old. But when she came out kicking and screaming, I knew this one was impatient to begin her life. She was a beautiful,chubby baby, so full of life.If she was hungry or wanted something, she'd let you know in no uncertain terms. I loved to watch her run around, her curls would literally bounce on her head. Oh! she was beautiful and so full of life.Th only time you would find her quiet was when she slept. Such an angel she looked then.She was special because even at such a young age, there was this closeness with Jesus. I was amazed sometimes at the things she said and the dreams she had even at such a young age.
All my kids are different in so many ways, but I could not have hoped for better children. I wished I could have kept them with me all the time and it was the hardest thing to let them go. But I have handed them over to their heavenly father as its his turn now to have his way with them. I have not been a perfect mom and I know there were times I would have let them down and even hurt them. But they know I am sorry and that I love them so much. They are my joy and there is never a day when I do not pray for them. I pray they make the right choices in the lives, trust God for he knows the plans he has for them.
TO MY CHILDREN.
May the Lord bless you always
May god give you the desires of your heart
May he make all your plans succeed.

You have grown up to be good and kind caring people.You are responsible adults and have never given me reason to worry and doubt you. You have brought me nothing but happiness and have made my life on earth a good one. It has been my honour to be your mother. I have brought you up the best I knew how and sometimes I would have failed you, so please forgive me for that. Remember we had this thing where I would ask you what you did not like about me and you kids would open your hearts out. You taught me so much too. Now you all have your own lives and I am happy hat you have chosen well,who you want to spend the rest of your lives with.I want you to be happy. I am so proud of you three. I love you.

My wise daughter commented that we have to look beyond the imperfections and not that when we are happy, everything is perfect. She is right. We are all imperfect creatures struggling in this imperfect world of ours. But the secret is to never give up trying and except that we will never be perfect, but we make the best of what we have and what we are. I wake up in the morning and I make a choice to get up and get going and sometimes I struggle but I have a strong willpower. Every morning, I feel I have turned a new page in my diary and its a blank page. So its up to me how my day goes. Yea sure unexpected things and circumstances come up but its how we handle it that counts. We can either give in, feel sorry for ourselves or do something to change those circumstances. ITS WHAT YOU THINK THAT REALLY MATTERS. WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF THAT REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

When we wake in the morning we have two simple choices:

Go back to sleep and dream
or
wake up and chase your those dreams
the choice is yours!

So wake up this morning with a song in your heart. Make the choice to be happy and glad to be a live. Spend every waking moment today wisely and appreciate each moment as a golden opportunity. Appreciate the love you have in your lives. Treasure them because that love can be taken from you at any moment. In an instant our lives can change forever, so seize the day and live it as best as you can. When you give in to someone you love, it does not mean you are weak.But that you just think that what you are fighting about is not worth being angry or making someone you love hurt.Love today as you have never loved before. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? When its gone tomorrow do not let it get you down but remember all the good memories you have saved over the years. Draw on them and use them to make you smile and your heart light. Remember that nothing last, so treasure each moment of what you have and do not waste your time fighting and being angry with each other. If you have lost love already, do not be sad and think its the end. There is always tomorrow to find a new kind of love. Learn to love yourself first. You are wonderfully made in your master's image. You are a new creation today, you are born again every morning.The Lord only has good plans for you, so believe in yourself first. Walk into this day with joy in your hearts,expecting God's best for you.

Recently I have began to feel down or rather let myself feel down and sorry for myself. Today I saw on Oprah a whole family addicted to Heroin. The Parents, and their two sons.They have lost everything, have no hope but desperately long to get out of this. Hopefully Oprah was able to help them. When we think we have so much of shit to handle, all you need to do is just think of the other person whose situation is so much worse than yours.I am so thankful to the Lord because he has blessed me so much. I have three beautiful children, who thrive to do their best and yet hold on to their values and principles. I have a beautiful home and so much people who love and care for me. Everyday when I can walk and see and hear and do things for myself, I am so blessed. So I am going to be thankful and give back the blessing I have received. I want to make a difference in peoples life today. Jesus is my answer, Jesus is my all. What would I do without you Lord? My strength has been renewed today.

Yesterday I took a friend to see her son in prison. He is being charged with kidnapping. Her older son is in another prison being charged with possession of a dangerous drug. As I went into the prison, I saw many young man there, some barely in their teens. They looked lost and frightened and my heart just went out to them. Somewhere out there a mother worries and cries silent tears for her son,locked up somewhere. My friend's son is just 19 years old, I have known him since he was five or six. His mother looked so broken and so fragile after her visit. She was with me but yet her heart and spirit was with her son, in that cell which he had to share with ten other people. I have a son and I don't know how I would be if this had happened to him. No matter if our sons become rapist or terrorist or murderers, they are still out sons, and we cannot help but still love them. The bond between a mother and her kids are so strong, its one of the toughest strings to break.
When I went home, I called my own children, just to hear their voice, assuring me that they were OK. I felt like telling them please come home and stay with me, I really do not want to let you go. That is a big horrible world out there and I need to protect you. I felt like taking a bus to K.L. just to see them, hear them call me mum.
But I can only pray for them, and I know the Lord watches over them.
To my children, I love you so much and my desire is for you to be happy. I may have failed you sometimes and I am so sorry. Be blessed my darlings

Sometimes there is a quickening in my soul and fear grips my heart. Fear for the unknown? fear of the future? fear for my children?Its only a moment, a fleeting moment and then I rise up and remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in my Lord's image. He did not give me a spirit of fear, but power and love and a sound mind. Then I am fearless, nothing that I cannot handle because he is with me. This morning as I prayed, I felt his presence around me and I felt safe and so loved. With Jesus its all about being in a relationship with him. I am in a relationship with my Lord. Sometimes I have felt so alone and then he quietly comes next to me and I know I am not alone. After 55 I have began to experience so many new emotions, new ideas,new strengths and even new weaknesses. Life everyday is a challenge and I have never felt so challenged before. Its the beginning of growing old and its all about being postive and trusting my lord for whats ahead. I know that there will be storms and peaceful days but I know I will not be alone, his strength will be my strength, his joy my joy and my fears and sadness his fears and sadness.What an awesome god we have.

I READ THIS SOMEWHERE AND ITS SO PROFOUNDLY TRUE:

I AM YOUR CONSTANT COMPANION
I AM YOUR GREATEST ASSETS OR HEAVIEST BURDEN
I WILL PUSH YOU UP TO SUCCESS
OR DOWN TO DISAPPOINTMENT
I AM AT YOUR COMMAND
HALF THE THINGS YOU DO MIGHT JUST
AS WELL BE TURNED OVER TO ME
FOR I CAN DO THEM QUICKLY
CORRECTLY AND PROFITABLY
I AM EASILY MANAGED, JUST BE FIRM WITH ME
THOSE YOU ARE GREAT, I HAVE MADE GREAT
THOSE YOU ARE FAILURES, I HAVE MADE FAILURES
I AM NOT A MACHINE, THOUGH
I WORK WITH THE PRECISION
OF A MACHINE AND
THE INTELLIGENCE OF A PERSON
YOU CAN RUN ME FOR PROFIT
OR YOU CAN RUN ME FOR RUIN
SHOW ME HOW YOU WANT IT DONE
EDUCATE ME, TRAIN ME, LEAD ME, REWARD ME
AND I WILL THEN DO IT AUTOMATICALLY
I AM YOUR SERVANT
WHO AM I?
I AM HABIT